In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace. Ephesians 1:7

Have you ever made a decision you regretted? What did that cost you? I made a decision once with a friend and I was lucky that we walked away from it. I had a friend who came to visit the Island of Oahu where I grew up. She really wanted to go cliff jumping. This was something I had grown up doing and so we went to a pretty popular spot. I hadn’t been to this spot before but I knew of it. We decided that day together that it was safe for her to jump and climb back up. It wasn’t. She jumped and 5 minutes later we called the fire department to get her rescued. 2 minutes after calling I climbed down with a body board and got into the water with her.  25 minutes after that we were standing on the beach with the life guards scolding us and telling us how lucky we were. I felt awful. I put my friend's life on the line. The guilt I felt that day continued with me. My friend forgave me immediately but I never really forgave myself. The thing about forgiveness is that often forgiving yourself for something is one of the most healing things you can do. So why is it so hard? My journey to forgiving myself took years and the bible helped me along the way. I’d like to invite you along this journey with me as we take a look at what the Bible says about forgiveness.

Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. Colossians 3:13

When my friend looked at me after the lifeguards had left and my sister had come to pick us up, she was not mad. She smiled and thanked me. I was shocked and filled with guilt and yet she held no judgment against me. She told me that she forgave me. I knew I didn’t deserve the forgiveness. But forgiveness is not something you earn. True forgiveness is a gift. The bible tells us over and over again to forgive and what I have found is that this forgiveness is not based on merit but on the gift that Jesus gave to us. In Colossians chapter 3 Paul sets up forgiveness through the standard that Jesus sets. “Forgive each other, as the Lord has forgiven you…” I know for a fact that the forgiveness that Jesus has given me is not something I have earned. The same was true for my friend that day, I deserved no such kindness and yet I was forgiven. 

And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. Matthew 6:12

Jesus Himself paints the picture of forgiveness as a debt. Amazingly many people feel this way when it comes to forgiveness. Throughout human history, in our literature and entertainment we have seen examples of people seeking to make things right by actions. The feeling of guilt can feel as if we owe something to someone else. But did you notice how Jesus paints this debt? It’s to be forgiven without pay. Its the biggest debt forgiveness in the universe, wiping out generations of debt in an instant. We are called to this same wiping of the records in our lives. Jesus calls us to seek forgiveness and to forgive in the same manner. 

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9 

Here is it, this is how I found the ability to forgive myself. In 1 John chapter 1 John outlines how we can be cleansed. He tells us to confess, to recognize what we did was wrong, then he tells us to give it up. The life guards didn’t fine us, didn’t slap us with any tickets or restrictions. They did stand there and look disappointed and they did lecture us, not for the purpose of making us scared but to help us recognize that our actions were bad. When we showed our remorse for what we had done they left. Jesus isn’t looking to scold you, He loves you and doesn’t want to see you hurt. So in order to forgive you must seek forgiveness.

It wasn’t until just a few years ago that I finally realized I hadn’t forgiven myself for what I had done. I feel the pit in my stomach thinking about that day and how I could have at any point said it was a bad idea. I can’t go back to that day and change anything and praise God we made it out with only a scar on my leg. I was forgiven a long time ago and it took me a long time to forgive. Maybe you are in need of forgiveness, maybe you need to forgive. I do not know your story, what you have done or has been done and I do not need to know. The God of the universe has been with you and is seeking to be with you while you feel that pit in your stomach. Will you let Him have it?