But we will give ourselves continually to prayer and to the ministry of the word.  Acts 6:4, NKJV

Conflict is not my cup of tea, especially when it's within closer circles.  It's one thing to hear about international tensions overseas, but when tempers flare among those I love, I can't bear it for long.  I'm not like the pastor friend of mine who only half-jokingly said, "Conflict?  Oh, I love conflict."  Whether you have a personality more like his or more like mine, I'm sure relational tussles aren't the first thing you eagerly seek out when you wake up in the morning.  Unfortunately, conflict is an unavoidable reality in the relationships that matter the most to us, even among the community of faith.  And in our recent journey toward Spirit-filled habits of community, it's important for us to be real with that.  Just ask the early church in the book of Acts.  Even when the unity of believers "gave witness to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus" (Acts 4:33) and when disciples were exponentially multiplying (6:1), they weren't immune to complaints, misjudgments, and hurt feelings.  Thankfully, the early church graciously navigated these tensions in a way that actually encouraged spiritual growth, greater oneness, and a more powerful witness for God's glory (6:7).  Could it be that Spirit-filled community -- whether in the home, church, or whatever circle of importance -- isn't absent of conflict but instead allows conflict to be an opportunity for growth?

VALUE CLARIFICATION

We're not told how long the complaint simmered, but it apparently made the rounds and eventually came to the apostles' attention that a certain demographic of the growing church felt "neglected" (Acts 6:1, NKJV) or "overlooked in the daily distribution of food (NIV).   This could have been a momentum-killer for the community of faith, but instead the apostles leveraged this discontent about ministry as an opportunity to clarify their values about ministry.  The very first words used to address the issue revolve around ministry values:  “It is not right for us to neglect the word of God to wait on tables (6:2, NET).  The apostles weren't downplaying the importance of making sure everyone was fed.  No, they were grappling with what was "right" for them to invest most deeply in.  While serving the material needs of the church family was a good work, they had identified that it wasn't the right work for them.  The next time we find ourselves at odds with someone close to us, maybe we should take some time to reflect on what's really of importance in that situation and in our hearts.  What do I feel passionate about in this?  What does my friend really want out of this?  When disagreements arise between friends or family, it's likely not because we hold completely opposing values.

Instead, it's possible that we actually share similar values but prioritize differently those shared values, thus causing the relational rub.

Of course "the twelve" wanted everyone to experience food security, and that particular ministry value deserved Spirit-filled leadership...from others besides themselves (6:3).  Instead of stalling momentum in the church, this complaint spurred the apostles on toward clarifying what was truly important, what mode of ministry most closely aligned with their sense of God's calling in their lives personally.  That freed them to focus and "give themselves continually" to what they knew they were called to do.  Which is a clarity I think we all would love to enjoy.  Relational tensions can be discouraging and require some hard conversations, but when we let the Spirit lead us through them, those conflicts can actually help us clarify who God has uniquely called us to be.

VALUE AFFIRMATION

But more than spurring us on to our own sense of personal values, that same clarity can help us see others around us with a newfound respect.   Did you notice that while the apostles identified their personal calling, it opened up opportunities for others to serve in ways God had uniquely called them?  The apostles approached this whole issue with a sense of equality and brotherhood, addressing those who brought the original complaint as "brethren" (v. 3) and having confidence that they themselves could rightfully appoint faithful, Spirit-filled leaders to oversee this distribution of food.  In addition, they were intentional to describe this aspect of ministry not just as an optional program of the church but as a "necessary task" (v. 3b, NET).  When complaints cross our radar, we don't have to revert to becoming defensive or casting blame elsewhere.  The Holy Spirit can actually give us an understanding perspective and grace to speak words of affirmation in order to highlight others' strengths and validate their concerns.  

Rather than reverting to polarization, we can move toward collaboration.

As we pursue community and lean on the Holy Spirit to help us protect oneness in our circles of relationship, let's be open to reflection rather than rash reaction in the face of relational tensions.  Let's cultivate a heart that listens for opportunities to clarify our own values and a voice that can affirm the value of others.